In my relationship of over a decade, my partner, who is generally a top/side and possesses an impressive 8″ member, has often expressed a desire to bottom. Being versatile myself, I’ve tried various methods to support and encourage this, from sharing my toys and preparation devices to initiating with rimming and fingering. Despite these efforts, a deep-seated fear seems to hold him back, though his interest in being dominated is apparent and genuine.
Although I don’t match his size, my 6.5″ thickness is still significant. I’ve even suggested he try someone smaller first, as we have an open relationship, hoping a positive experience might encourage him with me later. His ongoing mention of wanting to try keeps me hopeful, but there’s a barrier I can’t seem to overcome. I want him to experience the joy of an anal orgasm, which feels like a rite of passage in our community. Any advice for easing him into this after 10 years?
Confirming His True Desire
The first step is to ensure bottoming is truly what he wants. It could be that he feels pressured by my eagerness to top, hoping his expressed interest will eventually spark his own enthusiasm. The next time he brings it up, I should gently check in: “You’ve mentioned wanting to bottom but seem undecided. I want to be sure this is something you genuinely want, not just something to make me happy.”
Assuming he confirms his desire, the conversation can then address his fears. These might include discomfort, fear of mess, or fear of intimacy. Bottoming can be intense, leaving one feeling exposed and vulnerable, sometimes leading to unexpected emotional connections.
Additionally, Societal stereotypes might contribute to his hesitance, as bottoming is occasionally viewed as emasculating. However, these perceptions are unfounded, as many masculine men enjoy bottoming without losing any sense of power.
Addressing Concerns and Providing Support
For addressing his concerns, I highly recommend Dr. Evan Goldstein’s book, Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything in Between. This comprehensive guide covers all aspects of anal health and pleasure, presenting the information positively and without shame. Reading this could empower him with more confidence and knowledge about bottoming.
Beyond book knowledge, creating a safe, supportive environment is crucial. Reassure him: “I love you and am excited to explore this together. We’ll take it slow, use plenty of lube, and I’ll stop anytime you need. Bottoming won’t change our relationship-I’m just thrilled to share this pleasure with you.”
Moving Forward
If, after all this, he still hesitates, it might be best to ask him to stop bringing up the topic until he’s genuinely ready to explore it. A simple request like, “If you’re not ready to try, let’s hold off discussing it until you are,” can help set boundaries and reduce confusion.
Communication and understanding are key in navigating sexual desires in a long-term relationship. Addressing fears and providing reassurance can pave the way for new, shared experiences.