Short and silly ones

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These are all in the form of txt files, because that's how I had to save them back in the days of Usenet.

These are all very silly. Many are parodies, written in my favourite "Humour Angst" genre - a category created on the archive just for me. There's nothing unsuitable for anyone in the Ratings department... though they may be unsuitable for people who are sensible.


Once More with X-Files
Written 2007. 8 years after my last X-Files piece, I suddenly got hit with the urge to create an X-Files version of the Buffy episode, Once More With Feeling. The result is here: Once More With X-Files. It's set in around season 3, so no spoilers for anything after that.


The Awful Truth
I think this was my first "Humour Angst" piece. Fanfics with this premise are now ten a penny in most fandoms, but back in 1997, when internet fanfic was in its infancy, I believe this was quite original. Hey, maybe I created the genre! (No, I don't really believe that.)

Original summary: Mulder and Scully discover the Truth, and it's rather horrible. Characters die with lots of angst, but this is a humour piece - honest.


Awful Moments
Not really a sequel to the previous story, but a kind-of sequel. Someone was foolish enough to say that no-one, no-one, could write a humorous story about one particularly angsty happening in the X-Files. This was my response.

Original summary: A dying Scully bids farewell to Mulder - or does she?


The Best-Laid Plans
What? Did I actually post this one? Very strange. I do remember Cyril, the Trainee Man-In-Black, though. Only last year, my Ars Magica role-playing character had an innocent squire called Cyril, in honour of him.

Original summary: Mulder, on a daring quest for a suitably dramatic denouement to this story, finds his efforts hampered by a trainee Man-in-Black who seems to have strayed in from some heart-warming rags-to-riches saga that probably involves Christmas and Lassie and sickeningly cute kids (though these don't have speaking parts, thank God). However, he has the heroic and ever-obliging narrator on his side, so what can go wrong?


Cup-Cake
This story is not about cup-cakes, but the title makes sense (um, I think) in a strange sort of way. The alternative title would be, "I was rejected by aliens!"

Original summary: Mulder wants the truth, but does the truth want him?


Felonious Little Plans
This one I rated R for sexual references (though, really, I couldn't write explicit sex even if someone offered me a million pounds. I just can't do it.)

Original summary: So what does the Consortium get up to between one Mytharc episode and the next?


The Unconquered Flame
A satire of fandom and fanfic and flame wars, with lashings of angst, and a guest appearance by Mary-Sue.

Original summary: The truth is found where you least expect it. The true enemy could be just like you, or me...


Heavenly Creatures
This is one of the only stories I have ever written that was in the first person. I enjoyed it, so I'm not sure why I've not done it again. The narrator is somewhat... unusual.

Original summary: How do you commit murder when you're dead? Sometimes, being in heaven can be such a bore....


Junk Mail
*laughs* Oh yes, I remember this one well! It made me chuckle for weeks, remembering writing it. Features a return appearance by "Cyril the Trainee 'Them'" from The Best-Laid Plans

Original summary: Hurry, hurry, hurry! This is your lucky day! You have been specially selected to receive this incredibly exciting offer! Open this story now and you - yes, you! - could... er... well, read it, I suppose. Or, alternatively, there is the Boring Summary: Mulder receives some junk mail.


The Rime of the Ancient Librarian
As you can probably guess from this story, I am a children's librarian, so this is full of jokes and references that amuse me no end. I think they amused others, too.

Original summary: Ever wondered how the Consortium train their little ones to grow up into cold-hearted killers? At last, one person is brave enough to tell the truth.


Nasty, Big, Pointy Teeth

Original summary: A minor character demands to be noticed, and blood, danger, pointy teeth and other fun things ensue.


No Smoke without Fire
Another satire of fandom etc. Another story in which I kill off 99 percent of fanfic writers.

Original summary: I have seen the future, and it is seriously scary....


Tour of Duty
I wrote this after visiting the FBI when on holiday to America. Another fanfic writer said, "Imagine Mulder leading tour parties," so I did. This is the result.

Original summary: Mulder gets an.... um.... interesting new assignment.



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