Once More, With X-Files
or: Musical Mytharc


With huge apologies to Joss Whedon, Chris Carter et al.

 1. The aliens are with us

The scene is a very secret-looking base. CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN is walking by himself, smoking. A few random aliens watch him from boxcars, filing cabinets and autopsy tables, but he ignores them. As he smokes, he sings:

CSM:
Almost every week,
I play the villain,
Stepping in to hide the truth.
Cigarette alight,
I hint at killing,
And I take delight,
In denying proof.
I have never shirked in years of work,
Ensuring no-one knows,
That the aliens are with us,
Green and black and grey:
All of this is covered up by… Me.

When I issue threats,
I like ellipses,
Such as, "He will…" *dot dot dot*
*stubs out cigarette*
(An action which is
Menacing to lots.)

SMALL ALIEN:
I just love your plots!

CSM (sternly)
Your verse this is not.

CSM opens his mouth to finish the aborted threat from a few lines before, which got lost in ellipses and menacing stage directions. However, the aliens have been encouraged by the small alien's attempt at song. They rise from their boxcars, filing cabinets and autopsy tables, and form a phalanx. These are the ALIENS. The aliens dance forward, singing:

ALIENS:
Everybody thinks we don't exist,
He does his job so well,
But we aliens are with you!
Yes! We really are!
Hear us roar!

GREY ALIEN:
Or glare!

MORPHING ALIEN:
Or morph!

UGLY ALIEN:
Grr! Agh!

CSM makes a quick wordless gesture, and some MEN IN BLACK rush in and take the aliens back to their boxcars, their filing cabinets and their autopsy tables. Very faintly, at one window, we can hear someone shouting "Roswell! Roswell!", but as they're not singing it, we do not care. While watching the Men in Black, CSM seems to have grown strangely pensive.

CSM:
Will I do this job forever?
Looking grim, and smiling never?

SMALL ALIEN, ingratiatingly, just before being subjected to unnatural Tesssts on the autopsy table:
But we think you're really clever!

CSM:
But there's no respite.
Aliens are with us,
Grey and black and white.
So I plan and plot,
It is my earthly lot.
But all I want to do is… write.

He sings the last word quietly and sadly. Those Men in Black who hear him sigh in relief; some feared he was about to say he wanted to be a lumberjack.

Suddenly the camera cuts to a
WOMEN WE HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. The Woman We Have Never Seen Before is doing something or other that no-one cares about, since they know the only purpose of this scene is to have her attacked by the MONSTER OF THE WEEK. Sure enough, the Monster of the Week attacks. The Woman We Have Never Seen Before screams, and the scene fades out.

With a sigh, CSM orders the Men in Black to commence the cover-up. Duty has sealed her iron-clad hand around him once more.


2. I've got a theory

We are in a cluttered basement room in the FBI Headquarters. (We know this, because it says so on the on-screen caption.) MULDER is giving SCULLY a slide-show, showing her various views of the Woman We Have Never Seen Before, whom we have seen before. She is dead. Mysteriously.

MULDER:
I've got a theory,
That it's an X-File.
So, Scully, pack your bags,
Commence investigation!

SCULLY:
I've got a theory,
It is, in fact, all
Entirely prone to have
A normal explanation.

MULDER:
I've got a theory
Maybe worms from space,
Or maybe eerie
Clones who change their bodies and their face.

It could be vampires,
Some scary vampires…

SCULLY:
Which is ridiculous 'cause vampires come from superstitious folk tales, horror movies,
bad TV shows, and vampires don't exist.

MULDER:
I've got a theory:
El Chupacabra.

SCULLY:
I've got a…

Mulder clambers onto a table to declaim more impressively. As he waves his arms around, he keeps moving through the light from the projector, creating a stroboscopic light effect. It would be very effective, except that the song Mulder sings is slightly too high for his voice.

MULDER:
El Chupacabra is the Mexican goat-sucker,
He likes sucking goats, the dirty little… creature,
But what if he sucks humans?
Soon he will vanquish all the universe!
Sucking! Goats! El Chupacabra!

SCULLY (firmly, in a "this is not happening" sort of fashion)
The planet Venus.

MULDER:
I've got a theory that the Men in Black,
Will try to trick us, hide things, threaten us, and then attack.

SCULLY:
I've got a theory…

MULDER:
It doesn't matter.

The truth is out there, I assure you,
So please believe me, I implore you.
The truth I'll seek,
I'll never cease.
I can't be weak,
I know no peace.

SCULLY:
The truth is out there, you assure me,
But all too often, you ignore me.
You seek the truth;
I do the same,
I'm after proof –
Won't play your game.

BOTH:
The truth is out there, I assure you,
So please believe me, I implore you.

MULDER:
I'll always seek the truth
(And Chupacabras.)

Mulder and Scully go their separate ways. The scene shifts to just outside Mulder's apartment. There is menacing music, and the cameraman seems very obsessed with a dark, concealing tree. "An ambush is about to happen!" the director appears to be signalling rather unsubtly. However, Mulder walks obliviously past the tree, and nothing happens. The dramatic music reaches a rather desperate crescendo, then gives up. Mulder walks into his apartment, and sits down, unambushed. Whatever could have happened? Where are the Men in Black who were surely supposed to attack Mulder?

3. At the dry cleaner's

We are in a crowded dry-cleaner's. A lot of people are politely waiting their turn, when some very angry-looking men, wearing underwear and nothing else, barge in and elbow their way to the front. They are wearing dark glasses and have guns. They look strangely familiar, and suddenly we realise that these are the MEN IN BLACK we saw in the opening song. Angrily, they thrust a pile of off-white clothing at the hapless girl working at the counter.

MEN IN BLACK:
You got the black dye out!

CROWD (impressed):
They got the black dye out!

4. You can call me X

MULDER has taped an X to his window. His phone rings. Various secret watchwords are exchanged. As Mulder puts his phone down, the scene shifts elsewhere, where X is pressing the "end" button on his cellphone. Clearly thinking himself alone, X starts to sing:

X:
I lurk around in shadow,
Seldom step into the light.
At times I seem quite bad, though -
Very at home in the night.
But now I sing my song,
Revealing the secrets kept long:

They all call me X,
But none will ever guess,
That I like to wear a [CENSORED]
I'm fond of k***y [BLANK]
In song I will confess,
To liking ****** - but I digress.

I look quite hard and scary,
Am I a foe or a friend?
You cannot call me fairy -
Or can, but your life I would end.
But now that I'm alone,
The genuine truth I will own:

They all call me X,
But none will ever see,
The [BLANK] and fluffy side of me.
Or touch my bulging [CENSORED]
Or stroke my hairy [BLANK]
At least, unless they pay a fee.

They all call me X.
But all of their judgements are wrong,
But no-one will hear this long song.

They all call me X,
But none will ever know,
That I like to kn** and [CENSORED]
I love the fairer sex,
And I often go,
Frolicking in [CENSORED CENSORED]

But they'll never know!
But they'll never know!
But they'll never know!

As the song has proceeded, the camera work has grown more wobbly, and the swelling strings in the background have grown steadily less swelling. The alert might have noticed the constant sound of running footsteps. By the end of the song, the camera is clearly hand-held, and the only musical instrument is a pair of spoons. Yes, the CAMERA-MAN, ORCHESTRA, CONDUCTOR, and the rest of the FILM CREW have, for some reason, considered it prudent to disappear and leave X alone with the illusion that no-one knows his secret.

Public service announcement: Do not try to work out the concealed words in the above song. They have been concealed for your own protection. Anyone who tries to uncover the truth will be… dealt with
.

5. I'll never tell

Despite his ebullient performance in the office earlier, MULDER still has no leads on the death of the previously-seen Woman We Have Never Seen Before. He has come to the office of the LONE GUNMEN to pick their brains. BYERS, LANGLY and FROHIKE are there.

MULDER:
These are the guys whom I come to for answers,
When I am stuck.
I'm labelled weird, but Byers (with beard),
Is weirder – what luck!
And Langley's weirder, too,
And all of this Lone Gunman crew,
They make me feel… No, I'll cannot tell.

FROHIKE:
Mulder's our friend, though he likes to pretend,
That he's cooler than we.
He's got the gun and has fun with the hot…
With Agent Scully.
We tell him, when he asks,
'Bout cover-ups and trains and flasks,
The only thing is… No, I cannot tell.

ALL:
Because we never must tell.

In a rather heavy-handed touch of irony, the camera shows us a quick flash of one of THEM mouthing "Deny Everything."

BYERS:
I'm Byers,
He's Langly,
He's tall and rather gangly…

FROHIKE:
His underwear is spangly…
Okay, no it is not.

LANGLY:
We all
Are geeky,
But he is also freaky,
By "he" I mean Frohike,
He is short and squat.

BYERS:
We spend our days together

LANGLY:
Through nice and nasty weather

BYERS:
We flock like birds of feather

FROHIKE (hopefully):
And play kinky games with leather?
And with Scully as well?

BYERS (ignoring him):
But, Gunmen! we mustn't tell!

Frohike picks up a copy of the Lone Gunman magazine and thrusts it at Mulder, who is still standing in the doorway with a slight "I don't really know these people" look on his face.

FROHIKE:
We write
And edit,
This mag,
I hope you've read it.
We'll do so till we're dead – it
Is the thing that we do.

MULDER:
The truth – you write it,
But I go out and fight it,
I always…

FROHIKE:
But we incite it!

MULDER:`
And so do I, too!

Just as it seems as if a small confrontation is about the happen, Langly's hands start to dance balletically across the keyboard.

LANGLY (spoken):
Hey, look at me, I'm hacking crazy!

The movement of Langly's fingers is reminiscent of the rhythms of punk. Not to be outdone, Frohike joins in, typing an article with finger movements that remind the viewer of a can-can. Byers writes an editorial in a way that the educated observer will recognise as a waltz. Mulder, entirely incongruously, whistles the theme tune to Shaft.

LONE GUNMEN (whispering):
You know, he doesn't trust…

MULDER:
I cannot trust them.
For they're rather sad and nerdy,
And once a little birdie,
Said that I should never… never trust.

BYERS:
We must not trust. We
Must always doubt him.

LANGLY:
Must we?

FROHIKE:
Though Scully makes us lust. We
Need to play it cool.

MULDER:
When I come near them,
In inmost heart, I fear them,
They make me think of when
I was called weird at school.

ALL:
I smile,
And look quite friendly,
But while,
There's all these doubts I can't quell.

FROHIKE:
Will he sell us to the FBI?

MULDER:
Is everything they say a lie?

FROHIKE:
And his partner is a hottie,
And he's handsome, and I'm not; he…

MULDER:
And I see in them a warning,
What I will be one morning.

GUNMEN:
So we're cautious

MULDER:
I'm withdrawing,
Though I cannot be ignoring,
The doubts that are imploring…

GUNMEN:
Us to damn him to hell.

ALL:
But, thank God, we'll never tell.
Some secrets I'll never tell.

BYERS:
No-one will know.

LANGLY:
Nothing to hack.

FROHIKE:
Keep it inside.

MULDER:
Keep it from Them.

ALL:
No-one to… Trust.

There is a poster on the wall. "Trust no-one", it says. We continue to see the poster even as Mulder and the Gunmen greet each other, with no trace of distrust or unease. We return to it at times during their relaxed banter about stray conspiracy theories. We see it again when the Gunmen tell Mulder all they know nothing about the Woman We Have Never Seen Before, and her death. Later, we see Mulder awake and alone in his apartment, and Byers, Langly and Frohike, each, in their own way, alone.

"Trust no-one" we read. Trust no-one.

Only when the director is happy that even a child of two and his pet hamster has got the poignant message does he finally withdraw and let his characters sleep.


6. The littlest Man in Black has a very bad day

MULDER and SCULLY have arrived at the small town where The Woman We Have Never Seen Before was killed. As they approach a side road, we, the astute viewer, notice a menacing-looking car with black-tinted windows lurking there. However, to our surprise, the car does nothing. After Mulder and Scully have passed, it jerks forward nervously, and crashes into a tree. A Man in Black climbs out, his lower lip wobbling. His name is CYRIL and it's his first day out of Man in Black School. He is not having a very good day.

CYRIL:
I am having a bad, bad day,
First someone turned my costume grey,
And my dark glasses smashed.
I just tried to give a scare,
To those two agents over there,
But then I cowered and didn't dare,
My car it went and crashed,
And my jacket got a tear,
And I have lost my teddy bear,
And now I've soiled my underwear.

CYRIL exits, sobbing.

7. Give us some respect

MULDER and SCULLY have done all that plot stuff – talking to local law enforcement, interviewing witnesses etc. etc. None of it lent itself to song, so we'll take it as read, okay? Now Scully is doing her autopsy thing on the Woman We Have Never Seen Before. Mulder is wandering around her, alternately coming up with wild theories, and making tasteless jokes.

A white misty form rises from the body of the Woman We Have Never Seen Before and looks down sadly on the scene


GHOST OF THE WOMAN WE HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE:
I died
Several days ago,
But have they found my killer yet?
Have you stopped him? No!
I am just the victim,
Someone neither of them know…
Oh.. oh…

It hurts
But do they ever care?
The red-head calmly cuts me up,
As if I am not there,
And tells him I had cheese for lunch,
And chocolate and a pear…

I'm me,
But I am not alone,
Every week there's one like me,
Dying in our homes,
Slaughtered in the wilderness,
Screaming down the phone…
Give us some respect.

Give us some respect,
Let us have our say,
Don't kill us off in teasers,
Let us live another day,
And if you have to kill us
At least let us speak some lines…
Give us some respect.

We die,
Just to start the plot,
So Mulder can spout theories,
(Which he does do quite a lot.)
And Scully tries to stop him,
But fails, more oft than not…
Give us some respect.

As she sings, slowly the air around her begins to fill with ghosts. Some seem vaguely familiar. The loyal viewer might even recognise them as all the people who have ever died in any teaser. Few viewers, however loyal, will remember all their names.

I know that I'm dead,
But it doesn't have to mean a thing,
I'm a spirit now, but still can sing,
If they asked me, I'd tell everything,
But they don't ask about a thing,
Just cut me up, which rather stings.
So leave me be or…

GHOSTS:
Give us some respect,
Let us have our say,
Give us all a chance to shine,
For just another day,
Although we're in the teaser,
We're as real as real as you or they…
So give us some respect.
Why won't you give us some respect?

The song ends. The ghosts fade. The sound of Mulder and Scully's talking slowly fades back into our awareness. They were oblivious to the song.

8. The alien's lament

Remember the SMALL ALIEN in the first song – the one with the clingy attachment to CSM? He has been dressed up as a red herring, and has been popping up every now and then with a placard reading "Boo!" (Don't worry; you'll notice it when you rewind and watch the episode again. If you're finding him hard to spot, the Internet will help you.) Mulder and Scully – and, indeed, everyone else - have so far totally failed to notice him.

SMALL ALIEN:
Does anybody even notice?
Does anybody even care?

The Small Alien proceeds to do a dance, which is doubtless considered heart-rending on his home planet, but, to earthly eyes, bears an unfortunate resemblance to the Macarena.

9. Fighting, with subtext

KRYCEK is hiding in Mulder's motel room, looking mysterious.

KRYCEK:
Look! I am concealed
Inside Mulder's room,
And it's not revealed,
Whether I bring help… or doom.
There's a pistol inside my jacket,
But thrust in my pants in a large secret packet,
But – hush! – my lips are sealed,
He mustn't hear my tune.

The reason for Krycek's alarm become clear: footsteps are approaching the door. Krycek looks around urgently, and notices a broom cupboard, or whatever they're called in America. He dances towards it, with morally ambiguous dance steps.

KRYCEK:
I'll hide in here,
I'll bide my time,
Then – boo! – I'll appear,
As soon as I have… found a rhyme.

MULDER, however, has heard the sound of Krycek's morally ambiguous dancing. He flings open the door.

MULDER:
Hey! It's Krycek! Vile murderous traitor!

KRYCEK:
Damn! I'd rather have hidden till later.
But now we've met like this, I guess we're gonna fight.
Cos I know how he feels, yeah.
I know just how he feels, yeah.

(spoken) Listen, Mulder, I'm trying to help you... *sigh*

(sung) Mulder's enmity
It is far too strong.

MULDER:
When enormity!
Crimes and sins and… other wrongs.
You betrayed me! You killed my Daddy!
You're in league with the very worst baddie!
You're my nemesis!
That you live… is wrong.

It's only right that we have a fight,
And one of us will fall.

KRYCEK:
If you insist, I'll put up my fists,
And pin you to the wall.
For I know how you feel, man.

Mulder and Krycek go outside to fight. They take off their outer clothing. Oh, and it's started to rain, too. Shirts clinging to bodies, and all that. As they fight, a small crowd of women gather. They look very interested in the fight, and seem to be whispering something. Could it be… "sub-text"?

MULDER:
I will hit
You a bit,
Till your bones are all shattered.

KRYCEK:
Come on, make it real, man!

MULDER:
I will bash
You and slash
You and make you all battered.

KRYCEK:
All I did was just do my duty –
No! Not the face! You'll ruin my beauty.

MULDER:
I will seize
Both your knees,
And disable you fully.

KRYCEK:
I am stylish, dark-haired and moody!
Ladies love me, cos I'm angsty and broody.

MULDER:
Oh what fun! With her gun
At your head, there is Scully.

KRYCEK:
Scully?

MULDER:
Uh-huh

(He's right, as well)

KRYCEK (spoken):
Fully? Scully? That's an eye rhyme. It doesn't count. We need to start again.

SCULLY raises her head threateningly. Krycek gulps.

KRYCEK:
But, on second thoughts,
I suppose I ought to dash.


10. Standing

SKINNER is just about to have a bath. He has taken his shirt off. He is just about to take other items of clothing off, too, when the phone rings. From Skinner's side of the conversation, it sounds as if it is CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN, haranguing Skinner about not keeping Mulder in line. Skinner answers curtly, and hangs up. A moment later, the phone rings again. This time, it is MULDER ranting on about Skinner being in league with the enemy. Skinner looks as if he is getting a headache. He is still shirtless.

SKINNER:
I have often risked my life for you,
I've defended you to you-know-who,
Although you thumped me at the end of season two,
But I…

And Scully even pulled a gun on me,
In the opener of season three,
And you distrust me – it's very plain to see,
But I…

Wish I could be more friendly,
But I must play the boss,
Wish I could see you beat them,
And see them suffer loss,
Wish I could choose a side,
But I think my role is here,
Where I'm standing in the way.

But, all the same, I think they're sometimes right,
When you go racing into foolish fights,
And I – your boss – am left with paperwork to write,
Which I…

Wish I was free to follow,
My conscience as you can,
Wish I could see them punished
Especially Smoking Man,
Wish I could choose a side,
But I cannot, not today,
Because I'm standing in the way,
I'm shielding you from They.

11. Wish I could stay

We seem to have slightly lost track of the trivial little thing called Plot round here. Let's see… Various other people have been killed, but we don't really care about them, do we? Red herrings have been pursued (but not Small Alien.) Theories have been spouted. Eyes have been rolled. Local law enforcement has been alienated. An impasse has been reached. Cue X.

X:
You can call me X,
I'll tell you what I know,
It's a tale of cryptic woe.
Like a Deus Ex,
I'll tell you where to go,
So we can wrap up this show.

MULDER:
Oh, Scully, I have got to go,
For there are things you cannot know,
About our foe.

Wish I could take you with me,
But can't waste any time.

SKINNER (on the phone):
Wish I could stop you stealing,
My tune, my words, my rhyme.

MULDER:
Wish I could stay
Wish I could stay
Wish I could stay
Wish I could stay
Stay

Which would all be very poignant, and that, but the effect is slightly ruined by the fact that MULDER is racing off as fast as he can while singing, making no attempt to go back and get SCULLY, who is sleeping in a room barely yards away. As Mulder charges off, SKINNER's voice is still heard faintly on Mulder's cellphone, which is lying abandoned and forgotten on the ground. He's saying something like "you get back here," and "disciplinary hearing" and "copyright theft," and "change my mind. I'm turning to the Dark Side now." Something like that.

12. Search through the files

MULDER is breaking into a top secret base by cutting through the fence with nail-clippers. We know this a secret base because the caption tells us. "Top Secret Base," it reads, "home off all the most secret files that reveal everything Mulder ever wanted to know." The notice at the front gate of the secret base is slightly more circumspect. "Base," it merely reads.

MULDER:
I cut the wire and it scratches me,
And Men in Black are everywhere,
With mutant bugs,
And mind-destroying drugs,
This is their best-defended lair.

The truth is near, it calls to me,
To make my way into their base,
I do not care,
What happens to me there,
I will risk all to solve this case.

And I will search through the files,
And there I'll find my proof,
I will search through the files,
For the…

SCULLY has woken up to find Mulder gone. She seems more resigned than angry.

SCULLY:
And once again, he's run from me,
Gone alone into the black,
So I can wait,
For him to meet his fate…
Or I can go and bring him back.

SCULLY picks up her gun and heads off into the night.

Inside the base (which is the same one we saw in the opening song)
, CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN and a large cast of BADDIES are waiting, with guard dogs, mutant bugs and mind-destroying drugs. Some also have guns.

BADDIES:
For he is drawn to our files,
We hear him on the roof,
He is drawn to our files,
And the…

We should intervene at the moment to stress that the following scenes involve lots of quick cuts to characters who are not all present in the flesh at the same location. Do not try to imagine them all together in the same place. This is not some ungodly orgy; this is a dramatic and angst-ridden denouement.

KRYCEK:
Well, I almost tried to stop it,
Scully went and made me hop it!

CSM:
Aren't my lyrics worthy of the bard?

SCULLY:
Damn you, Mulder! Come on! Answer!

SKINNER:
Look at me! I'm quite the dancer!
Ahem. I mean, I'm serious and hard.

SCULLY:
Oh, what the heck!
Although I'm ditched, I'll save his neck,
And we will search through the files.

MULDER:
So one by one, they turn from me,
I am, and always was, alone.
She doesn't call,
She doesn't care at all…
Oh dear! I think I've dropped my phone.

LONE GUNMEN:
And through the Net, it comes to us,
So we, vicarious, are there,
The Net can't lie:
Oh! Scully is a guy!
And Fox wears ladies' underwear.

BADDIES:
Here comes Mulder, let us snatch him!

SCULLY:
If I run, I might just catch him.

MULDER:
I will… Oh, I think I've dropped my gun.

MULDER is captured.

KRYCEK:
I'll go off and nurse my bruises.

MULDER:
This was not the best of ruses.

SKINNER:
Paperwork is never any fun.

At this point, with MULDER captured; SKINNER drowning in a pile of lost gun / captured agent / penetrated secret base / lost phone / chaos and havoc caused by my employee paperwork; the LONE GUNMEN beginning, for the first time, to doubt the veracity of the Net (thus causing an immense personal crisis for all of them) ; KRYCEK slinking away, clutching a top secret packet; and BADDIES gloating, SCULLY bursts in. She shouldn't really be able to overcome an entire base full of Baddies, armed only with a small gun, but she does. They were distracted by the complicated rhyme scheme, and were all standing there on tenterhooks, waiting for the correct place in which to say their own eight syllables.

Scully rescues Mulder, and the two of them go into a room with top secret files. We know this, because it says "Top Secret Files" on the door
.

SCULLY:
To do your search
You went and left me in the lurch,
But we will search through the files,
Together find the proof.
We will search through the files,
For the truth.
For the truth.
For the truth.
For the truth.

13. Something to make it right

The files are empty; deleted; destroyed; ruined. Those few that remain hint at answers that contradict everything that has gone before, and suggest vast new mysteries that MULDER and SCULLY have not even begun to scratch the surface of. Mulder does not take this very well. He starts opening drawers and throwing their contents around in a rhythmical fashion, in time with his words.

MULDER:
Truth's a sham, there's nothing in these files,
They tricked me with their smiles,
Betrayed me with their wiles.
An empty shell: there's nothing at the heart,
I'm right back at the start,
I cannot play this part.
Where there's life, there's hope,
I will find the truth,
Wishes will come true,
And a happy end…
I do
Believe…
But what if it's not true?
And what if I will never know?
I want to believe,
I want to believe…
So give me something to make it right.
I need something to make it right.

All my life, I sang a fractured song,
My life has been too long,
And everything feels wrong.
I don't know, how long I can feel hope,
How long I can still cope –
At fading lies, I grope.
How long can I try?
To reveal the lie?
Or will, by and by,
I decide to die?
Oh me!
Oh my!
And all that's left is her:
The memory that still recurs.
Through all the pain,
This still remains.

I felt such fear,
I felt such doubt,
Since she floated out the window.
And through all the years,
Part of me, too,
Is still missing, through that window.
I'm staring through that window.
So give me something to make it right.
Please, give me something…

SCULLY:
Do not despair,
They haven't won,
And we'll carry on, together.
So let us repair,
Away from this place,
The enemy's base, together.
We'll have to stand together,
We'll stand if we're together.

Mulder allows Scully to hold him, in gentle comfort, and together they begin to leave the room. We will leave it to the viewer to decide – and discuss endlessly on the Internet - the true emotional implications of the embrace.

14. The tale is done

CSM:
Well, the tale is done,
And away we creep.
Lots of songs were fun,
And some of them were… rather deep.
We'll continue with our conspiring:
Musical mytharc!
It's really inspiring!
Well I've got to run…
See you all in Sweeps!

CSM gathers the assorted BADDIES and they leave. Their departing dance is choreographed around the gesture of stubbing out a cigarette.

15. Where do we go from here?

MULDER and SCULLY leave the secret base, walking close, and wrapped up in angsty reflection.

MULDER and SCULLY:
Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?
Our hopes are dust,
But endure we must,
For the show's renewed next year.
Where do we go from here?

KRYCEK:
Where do I go from here?
I need to disappear.

SKINNER:
When they get home
I will need to moan,
Their expenses were quite dear.

MULDER and SCULLY:
Where do we go from here?

FANS:
Where do you go from here?
That is why fanfic's here!
And what comes next,
We'll explore in text,
For years and years and years.
Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?
Where do we go from here?

16. Epilogue

The story almost over, MULDER and SCULLY stand in Scully's doorway. They seem exhausted, past the point of words, but unwilling, it seems, to part. Quietly, as if in a dream, Mulder starts to sing.

MULDER:
The truth is there, and calls to me…

SCULLY:
And I…

MULDER:
To make my way into the black.

SCULLY:
… have seen too much to let it go…

MULDER:
It isn't real
And I just want to feel…

Mulder steps through the door into Scully's apartment. The door closes, and we are left outside. After a short silence, we hear them sing in perfect unison:

BOTH:
Where do we go from here?

The screen goes black.

******

END

******

If any Scully fans are feeling annoyed that she didn't get an entire song all to herself, the writers would like to remind them of her "Joy to the world" rendition. Scully herself requested minimal singing involvement in this rather foolish musical enterprise. CSM, however, so enjoyed the experience that he is considering giving up his dream of becoming a writer, and trying to become a singer/songwriter instead. Skinner felt it was all a little bit girly, and wonders if he can put his shirt on, now. Krycek and the Lone Gunmen were not available for comment. Some of the crew who worked on filming X's song are also unavailable, too, having rather unexpectedly run off en masse to… somewhere else.

******

Note: Cyril the Trainee-Them is a refugee from some stories I wrote years ago. I was always rather fond of him, poor thing.


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