Photoshop is mighter than the sword
by Eildon Rhymer
From the personal notes from Doctor Kate Heightmeyer:
The attached cards were pushed under the door of my office some time during last night. Upon reading them, I had no choice but to call in Colonel Sheppard's team. All of them arrived late, and seemed rather fragile, but they eventually responded to my questioning. As far as I can ascertain, the sequence of events went something like this.
The day before yesterday, Colonel Sheppard's team returned from a long and harrowing mission that left two of them with minor injuries, one with a rash in a place they declined to specify, one with what they described only as a "wardrobe malfunction," and all four of them muddy and exhausted. Following medical examination, they were taken off duty for three days.
Last night was the night of the Athosian harvest festival – "or near enough," said Colonel Sheppard, "by which you mean it was two months ago, but you wanted a frat party, and somehow managed to force me to join in," added Doctor McKay, "even though I kept telling you that, unlike some people, I take my responsibilities seriously, and off duty or not, I need to –" " – keep your eye on the ball at all times, or the universe will collapse into chaos for want of Doctor Indispensable," said Colonel Sheppard, "and, anyway, Teyla said it was an affirmation of life and fellowship, and absolutely not a 'drunken orgy' and we're her team and can't trample on her beliefs by opting out, because that would be wrong" – and so they decided to mark it in the traditional way.
This was when things became "illuminating" or "hilarious" or "pathetic" or "stirring", depending on who you ask.
After the singing, the dancing and the games, an argument flared up between Ronon and Doctor McKay. (Ronon claims that the argument was about a matter of honor. Colonel Sheppard, however, claims that they were fighting over whether McKay's shirt was greeny-blue or bluey-green.) Doctor McKay declined to "settle it in the arena like a man", and instead "demonstrated conclusively that the pen – or, rather, Photoshop – is mightier than the sword."
Things rapidly escalated in a way that they all profess to be quite puzzled by.
Towards the end of the evening, Doctor McKay thought it would be a good idea to display their artwork on the city's main noticeboard, but the others convinced him otherwise – "Ah! So that's why I've got bruises there," Doctor McKay cried, seeming more relieved than angry. None of them, however, can offer me any explanation as to how the cards came to be put under my door.
"At least we know they're in safe hands," Colonel Sheppard said, as Ronon slowly started to clean a rather large knife, so that its reflection lingered on my face. "Doctor Heightmeyer won't tell anyone else about them."
"I just want you to know that I'm normally an expert user of Photoshop," Doctor McKay said. "It was that evil Athosian brandy – should be a law against it, not displaying its ingredients like that."
"I am sure there were ten cards," Teyla said, with a pointed glare at Doctor McKay.
I saw them count the cards on my desk. It took them quite a long time, and involved some wincing behind their dark glasses. They left quite sharply after that.
To be honest, I am not quite sure how to write this up in an official report.
No, the more I think about it, the more I think SGC doesn't need to know about this.